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Star Wars II – Attack of The Clones

The movie that brought us Hayden Christensen which just goes to show that looks can get you places in Hollywood since he is just straight up horrible at acting in not just this film but everything else he has done. They always have to make sure there’s something in the movie to draw the teenage girls. (Jumper may be the only exception but nothing was expected out of that film on an acting level and it was handled wrong as it should have been longer and not treated like a test to see if they could expand it into a franchise.) Granted he does portray Anakin in his teenage years and he does give that adolescence feel to his character. But he just comes off as a weakling. He’s suppose to be Darth Vader! Now when we watch the gloriousness that is the original Star Wars Trilogy we are going to have it etched in our mines that he is a pussy.

Movie takes place 10 years later where Obi-Wan and the now apprentice Anakin Skywalker are assigned to the protection of now Senator Amidala, portrayed again by Natalie Portman. Keira Knightley’s character is not carried over into this story and is now replaced by a character named Dormé played by Rose Byrne (Troy, Wicker Park). She’s killed in the opening scene before you even see her face. This is when we get to see the origin of the stormtroopers and the ultimate bounty hunter Boba Fett. That’s the one thing that can be taken from this trilogy, the things we were curious about or wanted to see more of are answered in these films.

The rolling around in the grass scene is ridiculous but Natalie Portman sure is beautiful. Though it seems like she borrowed some of her wardrobe from Britney Spears. There’s a scene on Mos Eisley where the two go to find Anakin’s mother and the mid-riff dress she wears is quite nice and it’s nice to know that even in the future on different planets, Rubbermaid is still around. This scene leads up to our first glimpse of Anakin’s transition to the Dark Side and his path to becoming Darth Vader but of course we don’t see too much of it because bad ass Darth Vader doesn’t exist in this trilogy.

Christopher Lee’s (The Lord of The Rings) performance as Count Dooku/Darth Tyranus is one of the few highlights of this installment. Can’t help but recall another brilliant performance of his as Saruman in the The Lord of The Rings. He gets to have the distinct honor of being in one of the most memorable light saber battles in the Star Wars world when he goes up against Master Yoda himself, the first time you ever see him pull out his light saber. I’ve also got to give credit for them having Ian McDiarmid reprise his role as Palpatine who becomes and is better known as the powerful Emperor in the original trilogy.

The visual effects annoy me quite a few times in this as there are long segments throughout the film where everything you see on-screen is CGI. Jar Jar Binks was calmed down in this one after his way over-the-top performance in the first one. Watching this movie right now makes me realize I don’t really remember this movie at all. On a sidenote, I don’t actually own these movies. I’m borrowing them from my roommates collection which is the only reason why I am viewing them now. I’m not going to lie though, the visual effects are a big draw to these films and they are masterfully done by Industrial Light & Magic.

The fight scene that takes place in the coliseum makes me just want to watch Gladiator and see something more believable. I can’t think of any movie or time in my life where seeing a scene made me want to watch one of these movies. But this is when we get to see Mace Windu (Samuel L Jackson, The Negotiator) do his thing for the first time, along with the aid of various other Jedi Knights, as he is the one who kills Jango Fett before the eyes of Boba Fett. This fight sequence is pretty lame and the choreography of the Jedi are pretty weak for the massive force they are up against.

Yoda looks a lot better in this film but I think they got carried away with how he talks. Example: “A perimeter around them, we create”. But I love how Yoda knows Anakin is a douche after sensing his stupidity when he is ordering the ship to be put down to help Amidala instead of helping in ending the war at hand. Thankfully Obi-Wan is there to put him in his place. Now we get  to see a couple one-on-one light saber battles involving Count Dooku, Obi-Wan & Anakin where Anakin loses his left arm before we get to the epic showdown of Yoda vs Dooku. But like a lot of things in this trilogy, it’s cut short so we can see extended scenes of things that don’t matter.

Overall, I believe this is the weakest movie in the prequel trilogy.  Rating 4/10

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